Overcoming Scarcity Mindset as a Filipina
On expired eyeshadow palettes, the pressure on children of immigrants to chase success, and learning to embrace abundance.
Welcome to Pearl, a bi-weekly newsletter dedicated to Filipinas and their beauty journeys. Read more about its mission here.
So, I launched a newsletter dedicated to Filipinas’ beauty journeys…then suddenly stopped. Planning a wedding, running a business, traveling, and deep burnout got in the way as this passion project I planned to publish every other week got pushed further and further down the priority list. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my journey to write Pearl, what got in the way, and why. One of the biggest culprits is a hurdle that I, and I’m sure many of you, struggle with: scarcity mindset.
When I was growing up, my mom had a signature smoky eye she achieved using a drugstore eyeshadow palette–Covergirl, I think. It had cool-toned shades including a very 2000s slate grey, charcoal black, powdery white, and taupe. She used it for years…well past its expiration date (in my household, expiration dates were just a suggestion, not so much a rule). While working in the beauty industry and getting product samples allowed me to upgrade my mom’s makeup collection over the years, there are still products she keeps when they should technically be thrown out. On her vanity, you’ll see old jars of cream from La Mer and La Prairie, old lipsticks from Gucci and Dior. She can’t bear to part with years-old beauty products – especially the fancy stuff. And, if she can’t use something, it ends up in a balikbayan box for the Philippines. No matter what, a beauty product never gets thrown out. The same goes for plastic bags, gift boxes from old Christmas presents, and takeout tupperware.
It’s only now in my 30s that I’ve realized what I thought was an endearing, funny quirk of my mom’s was actually scarcity mindset at work. As a young girl in Camalig, Albay, she didn’t have access to beauty products. She told me stories about playing in the fields of her rural home and using the juice of berries from the trees on her nails to create a tinted polish. It’s no wonder whenever I gift her a Chanel lacquer now, she acts as if she hit the jackpot. When you remember what it’s like to have nothing, why wouldn’t you hoard every little beauty luxury?
Many Filipina women I know, especially immigrants or daughters of immigrants, are intimately familiar with the feeling of scarcity. Of not having enough. Of feeling afraid to say no to an opportunity because this is your only chance. I’ve felt this heavily throughout my life. My mom immigrated to New York City in 1989. She knew no one, and had nothing except a welcome packet from the agency that hired her as a nurse. Her goal was to make $100,000 then go back home. But, she decided to stay because of the promise of the “American Dream”–that is, upward mobility. For two years, she lived apart from my dad and two older brothers in the Philippines, using phone cards to call the neighbors’ landline (my dad didn’t own a phone). She lived in a dorm with other Filipina women, and eventually brought my family over to New York where they lived in a basement in Jamaica, Queens. I was the first to be born stateside – into a world of convenience, comfort, and most importantly, opportunity no one else in my family ever had.
When you grow up in an immigrant household, you’re often taught that sacrifice is a sign of love.
When you grow up in an immigrant household, you’re often taught that sacrifice is a sign of love. Your parent(s) left their homeland, their community, and their language so that you could have the opportunity to dream. In other words…don’t fuck it up! Whether or not it was explicitly communicated to you that it was up to you to succeed in order to make this sacrifice worth it, you certainly felt it. I did. I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about being “the best” because I felt like I owed excellence to my parents for giving up everything. That tenacity helped me in a lot of ways – doing well in school, moving up in my career – but it has hindered me too.
That gnawing feeling, that you must succeed (or else!), made me my own toughest critic. It made me cling my own self-worth to productivity. It turned me into a workaholic always on the brink of burnout. It made me seek validation in accolades, and achievements, and external affirmations that, yes, I’m doing great and no, it’s not all going away. Even now, as I run a successful business as a beauty content creator I constantly wrestle with posting and instantly feeling worried that whatever hard work I put in can’t compete in the algorithm. There are never enough views, or follows, or shares even on “viral” posts. There’s never enough money, even if I’m making more than I ever have before. And it always feels like what I’ve built can disappear tomorrow.
Which brings us to Pearl. When I started this newsletter, I did what I always do, which is pursue the most complicated version of the thing. I had ambitious goals of writing in-depth profiles, thoughtful takes, heavily researched essays…and I overestimated how much work I could manage. Then, I felt guilty about spending hours working on a project that doesn’t pay because it’s not “productive” enough. I don’t have the luxury of a creative outlet when I don’t have a 9-5 and need to make a living! Who do I think I AM!? Ah, scarcity mindset. There it was again.
I’m determined for 2024 to be different. This is the year I finally step into an abundance mindset. I am embracing “and.” I can be a content creator AND a writer (AND a consultant AND a speaker, on-camera talent – my job is hard to define but I can do whatever the eff I want!). I can dedicate time to work AND develop hobbies. I can take pride in my career AND not have it define me. I can post on social media AND have boundaries to protect my mental health. I can write Pearl to connect with a community I care deeply about AND it doesn’t have to be perfect. AND! AND! AND! Say it with me!
Moving past the scarcity mindset is something I work on everyday. Therapy helps. Journaling helps. Being aware of it is the first step. Transformation won’t happen overnight, and I won’t pressure myself to suddenly become this beacon of unshakeable self-belief…but I can promise I will give myself room to just be. I hope you’ll grant yourself the same grace. You are enough. You’ve always been enough. Whatever you’re emotionally hoarding, you can let go of.
And, if you have an eyeshadow palette that’s been sitting in your drawer for seven years…maybe it’s time to get rid of it. Make room for a new one – you deserve it.
With Love,
Kristina
Tom Ford Eye Color Quad in Body Heat, $90
Bougie, I know but this is legit the one of the best eyeshadow quads I’ve used! Doesn’t crease. Blends beautifully. Smoky eye heaven.
Makeup by Mario Master Mattes Eyeshadow Palette, $50
This has literally every shade you could possibly need. Buttery formula, great color payoff.
COVERGIRL TruNaked Eyeshadow Palette, $11
This reminds me of the one my mom used–except it has a wider range of shades! As far as drugstore options go, this is a solid do-it-all palette.
Lawless Mini The Little One Talc-Free Eyeshadow Palette $27
For those of you sticklers for clean beauty, this eyeshadow palette is a favorite. It’s tiny and great for travel, can create simple or dramatic looks (note the shimmer shade), and has lasting power.
Thank you for sharing your family's story, and here's to absolute abundance in 2024!
I love this! Thank you for sharing your family's story and cheers to what's to come in 2024!